I have it. Big time. Every time. I worry about being late, missing connections, getting lost, turbulent flights, terrorists, coughing seat mates, lost luggage, lost passport, lost phone, food that bites, currency I can’t compute, too much to carry, shoes that hurt, feeling clueless. Ridiculous anxieties. It’s not like I haven’t done this before. And it’s not like I’ve experienced more than brief episodes of any of the above, with which I’ve coped adequately at the time. So why am I going through this again?!
Anxieties are all about the future, about events that haven’t actually taken place yet (and probably never will.) Looking at each worry separately, I can do something about uncomfortable shoes and taking too much stuff, but since I’m not likely to, they need to come off this list, and move to the list of things for which I can berate myself later. I can also do something about being late, and be early instead. All other issues are caused by lack of attention (note to self) or are…yikes…out of my control…repeat…out of my control.
I understand how lucky I am to be heading off again, and know when I’m finally on my way how much I’ll enjoy almost all of it…except for…repeat…any of the above. A peek through the door reminds me of past adventures well worth every panic attack, once I step into new space. I’m leaving now, sending “traveling mercies” to all fellow journeyers (as Anne Lamott offered to us in her wonderful book by the same title.)